I am Still, Still Annoying

Notes on an autism assessment - part 3

Frosted roses by me

Hello All,

I finally, well actually it wasn’t that long but when you are in waiting mode it seems forever, got a reply to my missive that told the service all I thought was wrong with their assessment for an assessment. If you are new here, part one is here, and part two here. I didn’t write much in part two as I was a bit shattered after writing an 8 pages rebuttal. Their rebuttal of my rebuttal was a few pages long. It paraphrased my letter, badly, ignored some aspects completely as well, and then doubled down on the initial report.

It all boils down to the fact that I have significant difficulties in almost all areas but not significant enough cos aren’t we all a bit autistic anyway. I mean, okay that’s not exactly what they said but it meant the same thing. And because I said I wasn’t depressed they have no suggestions as to what my issues might be due to. I just have significant issues. They made more mistakes in their rebuttal, changing what the initial report said in some cases. And that’s that. No help, no advice, no anything really other than a refusal to admit than maybe they did it wrong.

Apparently, if you have any friends you can’t be autistic. If you can force yourself to engage in conversation even when you feel uncomfortable you can’t be autistic. If your special interests aren’t special enough, or aren’t ALL consuming you aren’t autistic. If you can ask and answer questions you aren’t autistic. If the assessor is able to make judgements on questions he never asked you aren’t autistic. If you don’t stim by exaggerated flapping or make loud vocal noises you aren’t autistic. If you didn’t have any developmental delays as a child you aren’t autistic. Basically, if you talk to the assessor, if your special interests aren’t trains and buses, if you are normal or above intelligence, if you understand how to say hello and goodbye, you stim in small almost invisible ways, you can not be autistic.

They offered a second opinion on the assessment, but as I explained I was MASKING heavily due to feeling very uncomfortable, a second opinion on a flawed assessment is pointless. They have acknowledged I don’t want a second opinion, but not why.

I’m still in a quandary as to whether to get assessed privately or not. Much as I know I’m autistic I don’t know if I have it in me to ‘pass’ an assessment now. This one was so odd, so difficult, so confusing and so hard. Do I want to pay now to have the same horrid experience all over again? I know self diagnosis is valid, but is it enough?

I think I’m going to need a lot of time to process this, to read lots and try to work out if maybe, just maybe, they are right. I really don’t think they are though, but what if?

To any of my autistic friends, subscribers, and followers. I’d love to know what you would do next.