Thank you for this thoughtful and honest piece. I have had a difficult relationship with my mother ever since I started forging my adult separation from her, decades ago now. It’s her combination neediness and guilting that I find almost impossible, and I shut down. The harder she pushes, the less I can give of myself. As my children are growing up I have realised that this is a burden I don’t want to pass on but the model I had sits deep in me. Your piece is food for thought on the journey.
For me growing up it was my father that was the issue, and all I wanted to do was leave home as soon as I was able. I tried very hard not to be like him, but of course then I was making up a lot of my parenting and so I’m sure I got it wrong a lot. Taking accountability is very important I feel. And a lot of introspection. I ended up very low contact with my father until he died. I don’t miss him.
I've had so many of these same feelings about my children. That unexpected, overwhelming love. Grieving the earlier versions of them. You've captured that so well. I'm sorry things are painful right now with your oldest. I hope things will change for you and you'll find yourselves in a better place with each other. One thing that surprised me about parenthood is having to constantly adjust; just when I'd start to feel I'd really figured out how to do it, they would change again. And so I would have to, too. That continues to be true, even in their adulthood. It's a tender-making thing, isn't it?
Thank you. I don’t think you can ever prepare for it. (It is what it is with the eldest, and that I have to accept. She seems happy enough and that’s what we aim for, isn’t it.)
Tamsin, this is beautiful. Thank you for sharing this. ❤️ Reading the whole thing was emotional, but this line had me crying: “And to just love her, JUST love her, just LOVE her, just love HER” because it so succinctly expresses how it feels to love our children. As my own children get older, I know I’m going to struggle with the way they grow away from me, even while knowing that’s what I want them to do to leave fulfilled and contented lives of their own.
Thank you Ellen. I’m so pleased it’s hitting the right tone, I was a little worried it might come over as too ‘woe is me’. It’s a difficult road we tread to do motherhood and our children (to be adults) justice.
This is beautiful!! ❤️ Nobody prepares us for the challenges of motherhood do they, nobody helps us navigate the difficulties and complexities of relationships between us as parents and our children as individuals with strong beliefs, attitudes and opinions, it's hard, but we do what we do and accept the consequences, good or bad, your poem sums it all up beautifully 💚
Wow, just wow. Gosh. ❤️
This is so beautiful, Tamsin 💕
Thank you Sam.
Thank you for this thoughtful and honest piece. I have had a difficult relationship with my mother ever since I started forging my adult separation from her, decades ago now. It’s her combination neediness and guilting that I find almost impossible, and I shut down. The harder she pushes, the less I can give of myself. As my children are growing up I have realised that this is a burden I don’t want to pass on but the model I had sits deep in me. Your piece is food for thought on the journey.
For me growing up it was my father that was the issue, and all I wanted to do was leave home as soon as I was able. I tried very hard not to be like him, but of course then I was making up a lot of my parenting and so I’m sure I got it wrong a lot. Taking accountability is very important I feel. And a lot of introspection. I ended up very low contact with my father until he died. I don’t miss him.
Gorgeous piece. Thank you for sharing.
☺️
Both the essay and the poem are so beautiful. Thank you for sharing this.
Thank you for reading and commenting
I've had so many of these same feelings about my children. That unexpected, overwhelming love. Grieving the earlier versions of them. You've captured that so well. I'm sorry things are painful right now with your oldest. I hope things will change for you and you'll find yourselves in a better place with each other. One thing that surprised me about parenthood is having to constantly adjust; just when I'd start to feel I'd really figured out how to do it, they would change again. And so I would have to, too. That continues to be true, even in their adulthood. It's a tender-making thing, isn't it?
Thank you. I don’t think you can ever prepare for it. (It is what it is with the eldest, and that I have to accept. She seems happy enough and that’s what we aim for, isn’t it.)
Absolutely 💕
Tamsin, this is beautiful. Thank you for sharing this. ❤️ Reading the whole thing was emotional, but this line had me crying: “And to just love her, JUST love her, just LOVE her, just love HER” because it so succinctly expresses how it feels to love our children. As my own children get older, I know I’m going to struggle with the way they grow away from me, even while knowing that’s what I want them to do to leave fulfilled and contented lives of their own.
Oh it won’t let me edit, meant to say “lead fulfilled…” not leave!!
Thank you Ellen. I’m so pleased it’s hitting the right tone, I was a little worried it might come over as too ‘woe is me’. It’s a difficult road we tread to do motherhood and our children (to be adults) justice.
This is beautiful!! ❤️ Nobody prepares us for the challenges of motherhood do they, nobody helps us navigate the difficulties and complexities of relationships between us as parents and our children as individuals with strong beliefs, attitudes and opinions, it's hard, but we do what we do and accept the consequences, good or bad, your poem sums it all up beautifully 💚
Thank you Lisa. We can only be there for them no matter what.
Indeed! 💜
🫂🫂🫂
That's absolutely beautiful Tamsin.....
Aw thank you, I really wasn’t sure when I wrote it, I’m too close to the subject.
Really beautiful, made me emotional x