Whoa. "The Dog Days of Summer" is just one big rush of feeling/sensation/delicious words. Since you're okay with feedback, I would consider switching the order of stanzas for "Dog Days," keeping 1 and 2 the same and then making stanza 3 the last stanza (turning 4 to 3). Aren't I good at being confusing? I think ending on an image ("the savage midday sun") makes a strong poem even stronger (not always, but I would say so in this case).
An interesting thought. Iโd have to juggle lines a bit as each stanza gets shorter deliberately as the literary heat of the day drains energy. But I see what you mean.
Whoa. "The Dog Days of Summer" is just one big rush of feeling/sensation/delicious words. Since you're okay with feedback, I would consider switching the order of stanzas for "Dog Days," keeping 1 and 2 the same and then making stanza 3 the last stanza (turning 4 to 3). Aren't I good at being confusing? I think ending on an image ("the savage midday sun") makes a strong poem even stronger (not always, but I would say so in this case).
An interesting thought. Iโd have to juggle lines a bit as each stanza gets shorter deliberately as the literary heat of the day drains energy. But I see what you mean.
Oh, yeah, I missed that. I like that idea a lot (the draining away of energy and words). And just to be clear, itโs good as-is.
It wasnโt that clear to be honest, but I like to fiddle with them after theyโve had time to stew so I will come back to it
Love the third one...moving and thought-provoking โค๏ธ
"fierce fire of apathy" - What a line, got me good!
I have to admit I quite liked it too when it came to meโบ๏ธ.
Love these Tamsin. Your colour poem is so beautiful and devastating at the same time, your words are so good!! ๐๐ป
Too kind as usual. But โบ๏ธ๐
Kind, but true! :D