Whoa. "The Dog Days of Summer" is just one big rush of feeling/sensation/delicious words. Since you're okay with feedback, I would consider switching the order of stanzas for "Dog Days," keeping 1 and 2 the same and then making stanza 3 the last stanza (turning 4 to 3). Aren't I good at being confusing? I think ending on an image ("the savage midday sun") makes a strong poem even stronger (not always, but I would say so in this case).
An interesting thought. I’d have to juggle lines a bit as each stanza gets shorter deliberately as the literary heat of the day drains energy. But I see what you mean.
Whoa. "The Dog Days of Summer" is just one big rush of feeling/sensation/delicious words. Since you're okay with feedback, I would consider switching the order of stanzas for "Dog Days," keeping 1 and 2 the same and then making stanza 3 the last stanza (turning 4 to 3). Aren't I good at being confusing? I think ending on an image ("the savage midday sun") makes a strong poem even stronger (not always, but I would say so in this case).
An interesting thought. I’d have to juggle lines a bit as each stanza gets shorter deliberately as the literary heat of the day drains energy. But I see what you mean.
Oh, yeah, I missed that. I like that idea a lot (the draining away of energy and words). And just to be clear, it’s good as-is.
It wasn’t that clear to be honest, but I like to fiddle with them after they’ve had time to stew so I will come back to it
Love the third one...moving and thought-provoking ❤️
"fierce fire of apathy" - What a line, got me good!
I have to admit I quite liked it too when it came to me☺️.
Love these Tamsin. Your colour poem is so beautiful and devastating at the same time, your words are so good!! 👏🏻
Too kind as usual. But ☺️😁
Kind, but true! :D