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Margaret Ann Silver's avatar

Whoa. "The Dog Days of Summer" is just one big rush of feeling/sensation/delicious words. Since you're okay with feedback, I would consider switching the order of stanzas for "Dog Days," keeping 1 and 2 the same and then making stanza 3 the last stanza (turning 4 to 3). Aren't I good at being confusing? I think ending on an image ("the savage midday sun") makes a strong poem even stronger (not always, but I would say so in this case).

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Tamsin ๐Ÿ‚'s avatar

An interesting thought. Iโ€™d have to juggle lines a bit as each stanza gets shorter deliberately as the literary heat of the day drains energy. But I see what you mean.

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Margaret Ann Silver's avatar

Oh, yeah, I missed that. I like that idea a lot (the draining away of energy and words). And just to be clear, itโ€™s good as-is.

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Tamsin ๐Ÿ‚'s avatar

It wasnโ€™t that clear to be honest, but I like to fiddle with them after theyโ€™ve had time to stew so I will come back to it

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Janey Thompson's avatar

Love the third one...moving and thought-provoking โค๏ธ

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Martin Hughes's avatar

"fierce fire of apathy" - What a line, got me good!

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Tamsin ๐Ÿ‚'s avatar

I have to admit I quite liked it too when it came to meโ˜บ๏ธ.

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Lisa Andradez's avatar

Love these Tamsin. Your colour poem is so beautiful and devastating at the same time, your words are so good!! ๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿป

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Tamsin ๐Ÿ‚'s avatar

Too kind as usual. But โ˜บ๏ธ๐Ÿ˜

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Lisa Andradez's avatar

Kind, but true! :D

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